I was watching the episode of OTH where Haley's mom comes to town to tell then she's dieing.... I instantly realize I am jealous and angry.
I am jealous of all the people that were able to have time to prepare themselves for the death of a loved one. Don't get me wrong I am not saying that it makes it any easier. But what I am saying is that they weren't shocked, or caught off gaurd. They knew it was gonna happen it was just a matter of when. We had NO warning. One minute she was fine and the next she's gone. I didn't have time prepare myself for the "inevitable".
I am angry because of so many reasons. I can no longer call my mama when I have a stupid question. I am angry that we didn't know this was gonna happen. I am angry that now my mama won't ever be in the delivery room when I have babies. I am angry that all the future grandbabies will never get to experience their grandmothers love first hand. I am angry of all the emotions that I can't seem to get out. I am angry that I now have to get tested and that my chances of having this just skyrocketed. I am angry that I can't seem to grieve.
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