Lately I have been wondering if I have been revealing too much about our journey. I know some of you will say yes, and others will say no. My whole purpose of blogging about our struggle with infertility was to let others know that are suffering in silence know that they are not alone. However lately I have people asking if we are pregnant yet or if treatment worked this month. I know that they mean well however those types of questions aren't what I want to hear. Yes I know that I am an open book and will try my best to answer any question you have however there are some questions that need to not be asked. If and when we get pregnant we will reveal it on our own, in our own time. I don't need to be put on the spot with these questions. They become a constant remind of what is going on and it just hurts.
Yesterday (1/29/16) I woke up convinced that it was going to be a bad day due to a dream that I had. Well turns out that it might actually be the sign I have been waiting for, for the last 2 years from mama. A few good things happen in our favor............
You might remember a few weeks ago I had said that the idea of a cryobank was floating around....... Well after weeks of research and phone calls, we have finally decided that we will be using a local cryobank to freeze my husband's sperm. After all these phone calls with the cryobank, our current fertility doctor, and a fertility doctor that the cryobank works with, we have come up with an amazing plan that works for us. Not only will it work for us but every month we will be saving about $100. Yes we will actually be saving money doing this, I know it shocked me too!!! Before you ask I will answer the question I am pretty sure you are wanting to ask..... 'Why don't you just take a break while hes gone', for us taking that break while he is gone is heart breaking. We feel as though if we take the break all of our work thus far will be for nothing. Yes we understand that he could potentially miss huge moments throughout this process. But for us those don't outweigh the end goal. Just because he is in the military doesn't mean we have to put our dream of having a family on hold. We are more than just the military. We are a normal husband and wife wanting to have children, to become parents, to hear the pitter patter of little feet running down the hall, to hear those first words of 'dada' and 'mama'. Why shouldn't we be able to work on that goal just because he will be deployed? There are so many advances in science and medicine at our fingertips of course we will use it as long as it is within our means. We are extremely lucky to have an amazing fertility doctor that has agreed to do anything and everything (even working in conjunction with a fertility doctor in another practice) to help us make our dreams a reality.
We have had multiple ultrasounds this month to check on my eggs size so that we could pinpoint when we were going to do the trigger shot and go in for the iui. Well it had turned out that they weren't growing like they needed to be. That was devastating to me. The fact that my body decided now of all times to stop responding in that way. So this cycle was to be considered a dud. Together with our fertility doctor we decided that we will be adding in an injectable that will help them grow starting this next cycle. Well this next cycle scared me due to the fact that our time is extremely limited before the deployment happens, so missing any more cycles was not an option for us. We decided that this Monday I will go in for blood work to see if I actually did ovulate or not. If I didn't then we are going to jump start my period. This plan had eased my mind. Well yesterday I started to get intense pains in my right side so out of curiosity I took an OPK, I GOT MY PEEK!!!!! I instantly texted our doctor and he said meet him today for ultrasound and iui. I was extremely excited because that is 2 things that have gone in our favor finally. That is the moment I got this overwhelming feeling that the dream was the sign from mama that everything is going to be OK. So today we went to the doctors office excited and ready........ Whelp my lining was not thick enough. To the point that suppositories (progesterone) wouldn't help it get thick enough in time. Our doctor decided that it wasn't a good idea to do the iui, that if we did and it was successful that it would end in a miscarriage. That is something we aren't willing to risk. Even though this month ended up being a dud in the end, weirdly I have this feeling of calm.
