Social Media is My Enemy

Oh great there goes another pregnancy announcement!!!




It's awkward, not because I'm not happy for them, its honestly me. I instantly feel anger, bitterness, sadness and grief. I've even had resentment. But not necessarily towards them, towards my situation mostly. I want to be excited and joyful for my friends/family but I can't, I'm Struggling.  And I can’t stop the feelings of hurt that have come along with infertility. Or the bad thoughts that this  excitement of announcing my own pregnancy will never happen. And it’s hard. It makes me feel like an awful person. I am in a constant pain as everything reminds me of my situation on a daily basis.




I'm the person more than likely I will like your statuses but not really comment. Its not because I'm jealous(ok lets be honest a small percent is because I'm jealous), but I can't, I can't bring my self to doing it. It has nothing to do with you or your joyous time. It has everything to do with the daily struggle I have. Infertility brings on a whole new set of feeling and emotions that I never knew I could posses.


With all these announcements it makes me fell even less of a woman than I already feel. I can't do what a female is supposed to able to naturally do without the aid of doctors.  Infertility is so mind consuming, I constantly think about it. I wake up and touch my belly and wish it was me that had morning sickness and kicks, aches and pains. The things that other people hate about their pregnancies are the things I'd die to experience. So the daily reminders on social media break my heart into a million pieces over and over again.


I'm not talking about this to make anyone feel bad, I am telling yall this because so many people don't realize how big of a thing infertility is and how much it consumes your daily life. As much as it hurts to see these things on social media I wouldn't have it any other way. Having a baby is a miracle and blessing and I am so beyond grateful that I can witness my friends/family experience them. It give me hope that when it is finally my time everyone will be joyous and excited for me.