I have already started to forget what mama's voice sounded like. I don't remember what you smelled like. I hold on to the memories I have but some of them have started to fade, not because I have forgotten them but because I don't remember her voice so it's my voice that comes through.
Not having mama here is extremely hard. Not being able to call her with my stupid questions is even harder. Not having her hear to help me through my health issues (I will save that for a different post once we get more answers) is hard, all I want is to hear her say everything will be ok, we will figure it out. But I can't, I can't even imagine her voice saying it since I don't remember her voice.
Don't get me wrong I have grown by leaps and bounds and have started to figure out how to cope and start to heal. But that doesn't mean that days like today don't get to me. For the rest of my life I will have hard days and I have come to terms with the fact that it is ok to have hard days.
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