Mom, All I Want For Christmas Is…
For you to be here with us.
Mom, I miss you so much. I can’t begin to
express the sadness I feel each and every time I remember that you are never
coming back. It hits hard during the holidays. When I don’t get that morning
“Merry Christmas!” from you. I never did imagine a Christmas without you, but I
now face that reality. The reality is that you are gone, that reality is that
you left this world way too soon. You should be here. Why aren’t you here? When
I hear your favorite Christmas songs, I ask myself, why didn’t the fates allow?
What did you do to deserve to miss out on so much? When I look under the tree I
can’t help but wonder what gifts you would of gotten this year, what gifts you
would have gotten me….screw the gifts, they never mattered to you anyway. All
that mattered to you was being alive and well to share another Christmas with
your family and friends. Memories of past Christmas’ flood through my mind and
I can’t help but remember how great you made Christmas at our house. Come to
think of it, you are my Christmas.
Without you there is no Christmas, there is no
reason to celebrate. I want to carry on the traditions you and daddy gave “J”
and I growing up. But how can I without my heart breaking all over again? How can I see the joy in the season when all I
can see in the mirror is tears fighting to break through?
One of my best memories I have is the time we would spend wrapping gifts, well you wrapping and me messing up until you task me with the gift tags. I loved when we got to drive around looking at all the Christmas lights. On one of the last times we got to do that I remember you shoving me out of the sun roof so that I could get good pictures while daddy was just shaking his head laughing at us. Those memories will last a lifetime. I can't wait until A and I get the opportunity to create memories with our future kid(s), hopefully by then Christmas time will get easier for me.
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